one thing about 'distance makes beauty' is that nothing can possibly maintain your fantasy of beauty adhered on it after you understand too much of it.

I think I have to earn lots of money because a need money for some activities to run away from reality which is like a dump and goddamn boring. I don't care if I have to be hardworking I just want to spend a lot of money and make a lot of them.

I am not satisfied with myself, so I found I hate myself.but it even lacerate more with the fact that self-hared can't bring any satisfaction either. You try to lower your standard of evaluating yourself, finally It didnt trun out to be wellbeing, but makes the reason of your desperation become shallow and laughable.

Rock N' roll ruins my life, or is It just a catalyst?

I feel ashamed.
Kurt had so much thoughts and love and sincerity in those hysterical and frantic songs.
But only misery have I.