Today I watched the movie The Fault In Our Stars, and cried like a three-year-old little girl once again. if you are to ask me why i did not read the book, it is because i do not have time. in fact, even watching a movie should be a luxury for me at this point in time. I only have one week to me O-levels, which is kind of equivalent to Zhongkao or Gaokao in China, and I am still doing this shit. i shall not regret, because all of us shouldnt.
the movie is about two dying kids, or rather three, all having cancer, one dead with the other two apparently alive. truth be told i have always been scared of death, scared of terminal illnesses, scared of leaving this world. I tried to imagine myself getting cancer for several times, with different kinds of cancers, and I can hardly imagine what life will be like. during one period i like to go to leukemia Ba and Osteosarcoma Ba and read the life stories of young patients, about their journey from being diagnosed to death, their feelings throughout the battle with cancer. those stories let me question the meaning of life. Like Augustus, i have always been afraid of oblivion. i wish I could be a superhero, a doctor, a scientist, or at least someone important on paper. in order to get out of this oblivion, i strived as hard as i could to go abroad and always explore my new potentials. sometimes i am able to feel my utterable ambition clearly: i don't want to be forgotten. i want to be remembered. I hope to leave something on this planet for our offsprings to admire.
our days are numbered, our life is not. Between zero and one there are infinite numbers. in the limited days we can have endless happy memories. Probably cherishing all we got is the best choice. The reality is that most of us will remain in oblivion for the rest of our lives and die due to some reasons, probably cancer, probably not.
however, like what Anne said in her diary: be happy.
